Relationship FAQ

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6 Great Tips on How to Save a Long Distance Relationship

What are some ways I can save my long distance relationship?

I was in a long-distance relationship for several years with a girl from the Philippines. It was almost impossible to get her a visa to stay with me and I had no way of earning a living while in the Philippines until recently. Here is how we managed to stay together for a number of years before finally being with her.

Before I get into How to Save a Long Distance Relationship, here are the pros and cons of a long-distance relationship

Pros of being in a long-distance relationship

• You’re forced to trust the other person. This wasn’t too difficult for me as the girl I knew was very honest and loyal but she had to learn to trust me.
• You learn patience and self-control. This can be difficult at first but it gets easier over time.
• You spend a lot of time getting to know each other before you meet. I spent hours talking using skype and getting to know the person personally before travelling to meet her and then again before I traveled back a second time
• Being in a long-distance relationship tests you both. If you can survive a long-distance relationship, you’re relationship when you’re together is much more likely to work out.

Cons of being in a long-distance relationship

• You may not trust the other person. It can be difficult to trust the other person over long periods of time. This can lead to doubt and accusations.
• It can be frustrating. Not being with someone both physically and intimately can be very frustrating.
• Lack of patience. Some couples do not have the patience to stay the course and wait until they’re together
• Time together is more rewarding. The time that you spend together when you are together will be more rewarding if you have waited first.

Here are some tips on how to save a long-distance relationship.

1.) Set a Goal of when you’ll be together

This goal may not just be a date of when you’ll be together but also how you’ll be together. For me I had to earn over a certain amount online before I could support myself before moving to the Philippines.

2.) Be open to conversation Anywhere

Be open to conversation at almost any time or place. If the other person can contact you via Skype or Snapchat anywhere, then this reduces suspicion that you’re cheating on them. It also makes the relationship feel less distant.

3.) Send gifts Often

You can send both physical and virtual gifts to anyone around the world. My favorite was a cheap gift delivered to her home sent from a shop in the Philippines.

You can send virtual gifts such as e-cards, or physical gifts such as roses or chocolates. Just type the name of her country or state and the gift you want to send.

4.) Take part in online activities

There are many such online activities. Everything from virtual weddings, virtual kisses that can be customized, to a virtual reality service where people can interact with each other. For example at imvu.com you can interact with people much like online GTA, but a social, romantic one.

With wishbeats.com, you can send a personalized song which is specially written for your loved one, or you can send a gift or personalized video which celebrates the time you’ve spent together. This can include your most cherished memories in the form of video clips or photos

You can use sync-video to create a private chat room where you can watch YouTube or Vimeo videos with them. With online streaming, you can listen to the same station at the same time.

5.) Update your Social Media

One way of increasing trust is to use social media such as facebook more often, updating the other person of where and what you’re doing. It’s harder nowadays for people to disguise cheating when their social media is available for anyone to see.

6.) Learn to Trust One Another

This leads onto the last point. Even though you can take steps that make it harder to cheat on one another in the end you’re just going to have to learn to trust each other. This will come through time, effort and openness.

Simon Hough

Simon is the ower of askboard.com. He is a web developer, online marketer and techie who enjoys testing and reviewing online software and services

What does Plenty of Fish Cost and is it Worth Upgrading?

Should I upgrade my POF Membership

Well there are a few benefits to upgrading your POF membership. I don’t personally believe that most of the benefits on the site are worth it but you may disagree.

First the cost of POF (Plenty of Fish)

If you choose to pay over a 12 month period it means you pay less per month. About £6.78/$8.35 per month, £8.50/$10.46 for a 6 month Plan and a significant increase to £12.90/$15.88 for a 3 Month Plan.

If you’ve already been on the site awhile and have had a positive experience already I would recommend the 12 month payment for less per month. If you think it might be a flop just go with the cheaper alternative

The Benefits of Upgrading your Membership:

Being able to Upload more images to your profile: This isn’t much of a benefit. The only profile pic that really matters is the main one. You have more than enough on the free account.

Unlock every user’s extended profile: Not really that important since there’s rarely much to see.

See if your emails were read or deleted: This is a somewhat better feature although it can be discouraging to find out just how many dismiss your emails. However at least you know whether they’ve seen it or not. This can save you sending another message just in case they missed the last one

Experience POF ad-free: Not a significant benefit if you’re on a PC but if you use the site on a mobile the ads can be a bit intrusive.

Find out the date and time someone viewed your profile: Not that important. What matters is that they’ve seen your profile in the first place.

Send three gifts per day: I’ve never really seen any benefit in sending gifts. Sending a gift is pretty pointless and looks rather cheezy. They either like you or not and sending a gift can make you look desperate.

Some unpaid members who’ve paid for the pleasure of sending a gift consider it a bit of a bullying technique into getting someone to pay more attention to you then they originally would have.

See who viewed your profile and you voted yes/maybe on: Can be demotivating when you find out someone viewed your profile but never bothered to respond positively. I’d actually rather not know.

The only two benefits of signing up with POF are:

Stand out in all searches: This is much more important. The whole point of the site is to find a date. Standing out in all searches does increase your chances quite considerably, but only if you’re a women, or a great looking guy!

Why?
Because on POF, men significantly outnumber women. Therefore it tends to be men who search and initiate a conversation. Women can afford to just respond.

Show up first on Meet me: Showing up first on Meet me will benefit you considerable if you’re attractive, not so much if you’re a less attractive guy. If you’re an attractive guy you will get a lot more opportunities to respond, knowing that they’re attracted to you. If you’re an attractive female you will get a ton of meet me notifications.

The downsides of upgrading are two fold. Firstly the cost, secondly upgrading may make you look desperate. A long term member should be able to tell whether you’re a paid member or not, on the other hand it can make you appear more serious.

Conclusion

The site claims becoming an upgraded member can double your chances of meeting someone. However, I would say this is somewhat of an exaggeration. It really depends on whether you visually stand out and make a great first impression.

Upgrading does increase your chances of finding a date – marginally if you’re a not so attractive guy, significantly if you’re an attractive female.

Sarah Johnson

Sarah is a relationship and marriage counselor who provides relationship and counseling to couples. She also likes to write in her spare time.

How to Find a Date on Facebook

How can I use Facebook for Dating

Don’t make the mistakes that can get you rejected. Here are six tips to help you find a date on Facebook from initiating a friend request to messaging her on Facebook.

Reasons why People Prefer Facebook For Dating

There are a number of reasons why people prefer to find a date using Facebook rather than initiating a conversation face to face:

Reduces the risk of rejection

Asking someone for their phone number face to face takes more courage and risk. Also by initiating a friend request you get a chance to ‘test the water’ and see if they’re interested first.

Get to know them first

It gives you the chance to get to know the person first. Getting to know their relationship status, their friends and interests gives you the chance to share something you have in common before taking things further. Sharing comments, liking their posts, and messaging them gives you the time to build rapport with them first before asking them on a date. It also helps you decide if they’ll make a good boyfriend/girlfriend.

Easier Conversation

Facebook can make conversation easier. It’s difficult to think of what to say on the spur of the moment. Chatting on Facebook via instant chat gives you the opportunity to consider what you’re going to say before saying it.

Show your best first

Facebook gives you the opportunity to show the best side of you first and what makes you most attractive, showing your unique traits and characteristics.

Tips to Finding a Date on Facebook

1. Befriend her Friends First

Assuming you have little or no contact with the person in your everyday life, it may seem too out of the blue to initiate a friends request straight away. They may simply reject your offer making it harder to contact them again in future.

Females feel more comfortable associating with those their friends already know. If they think their friends already know you, it gives the impression that you’ve already been judged to be trustworthy. After you have befriended their friends – who you’re not attracted to – you could then initiate a friend request with someone you are.

2. Start off with something you have in Common

Facebook gives you the opportunity to know them first, so exploit this opportunity to find out what you’ve got in common. Whether it be friends, an event or a shared hobby. If you don’t know much about the subject and need to fake it, at least do a little research first. You can research anything nowadays with Google.

3. Don’t Creep her Out

They may initially be very suspicious about chatting to someone they don’t know. Don’t creep her out by:
1. Flooding her with instant messages
2. Being overtly sexual
3. Getting to the point too quickly
4. Showing you know too much about her. She may think you’re a stalker
5. Come Across as Desperate
6. Don’t reference her looks to early

4. Have a Smiling photo of yourself for your Profile Picture

First impressions matter. If you use a friendly smiling photo for your profile picture, it will be the first photo they see when initiating a message or a friend request. These initial few seconds before deciding to accept or reject your friends request can make all the difference.

5. Consider have a Conversation with them in Person First

If she doesn’t know you any more than the homeless guy down the street, initiating a friend request out of the blue may unnerve the person and cause them to reject you. If your paths cross in person, you could show a casual interest in them first and then take things further online. That way they already know who you are, you’re not a total stranger and you’ve already built up some rapport with them first.

6. Use some humour

Lastly it always helps to use some humour when possible. Humour is important for romantic attraction. Humour points to having a sociable and agreeable personality helping to build trust.

Sarah Johnson

Sarah is a relationship and marriage counselor who provides relationship and counseling to couples. She also likes to write in her spare time.

How to Prevent your POF (Plenty of Fish) account from being Deleted

Why does POF keep deleting my account?

If you’re Plenty of Fish account was deleted there are a number of reasons why and some steps you can take to prevent it happening again

It can be frustrating having your POF account deleted, particularly if you’ve spent some time and effort writing out your profile and customizing it to your liking.

Why your POF Account was Deleted

According to the POF blog there are six reasons your profile can get deleted

1. You are looking for casual sex
2. You’re married and not separated
3. You’re a scammer, a spammer, or using a fake or underrate profile
4. You’re just plain rude to others on the site
5. You post inappropriate photos
6. You login from a country where PlentyOfFish doesn’t exist yet

Plenty of Fish is the largest dating site in the world and it’s very difficult to keep track of everyone’s profile and monitor private conversations. Therefore POF relies upon both human intelligence and artificial intelligence system to detect suspicious activity that fits any of the above.

While I’m not familiar with the technical methods used by POF to detect suspicious activity I do know that the system will look for regular expressions or patterns of behaviour that could indicate suspicious activity.

These could include words, phrases, searches or selections you make indicating that you’re just looking for a hookup, that you’re married, or that you’re just using the site for commercial reasons.

Being rude to others or posting innapropriate photos on the site may result in your profile getting flagged by other users, leading to your activities being more closely scrutanized.

Websites can track your IP address which means that they know geographically whereabouts you live. If you login from a country where PlentyOFFish doesn’t exist yet, this would be an activity that is easy to detect and flag by the system.

How to Prevent your POF account from being Deleted

Simply be more cautious of the words, phrases, searches or selections you make that could indicate suspicious activity.

If you’re looking for a hookup there are plenty of sites that cater to this. If you chose to use the site for this there are more discreet ways of going about it.

Do not message people too quicky as your activity could be interpreted as automated activity usually carried out by spambots.

Do not copy and paste the same message to multiple users. It’s common to copy and paste the same message to multiple users to save time. After all sometimes you have to send multiple messages just to get one positive response. Copy and pasting the same message can save time. However this could be interpreted as automated behaviour. Therefore try and vary your messages, even if it just involves changing a few words here or there.

Taking time to create and customize your profile will indicate you’re a real person and not a spambot automatically creating worthless profiles just to send out automated messages.

My last piece of advice is to simply be pleasant, humorous and interesting. You’re more likely to make a positive impression, find a date and not get your account deleted.

Sarah Johnson

Sarah is a relationship and marriage counselor who provides relationship and counseling to couples. She also likes to write in her spare time.

POF (Plenty of Fish) Username Search Hack

How can I find someone’s profile page on POF using their Username?

If you receive a message from someone via POF you may want to check out their page on POF so you can know more about them. Here is a quick and easy method.

Unfortunately POF has now removed the Search > Username feature so you cannot search for a Username on the site.

However, there’s a way around this problem.

Just go to the Google search engine and type:

Site:http://www.pof.com/ USERNAME

Replace USERNAME with their username

Their profile should appear in the search results, assuming their POF account isn’t too recent and Google has indexed their profile page.

Sarah Johnson

Sarah is a relationship and marriage counselor who provides relationship and counseling to couples. She also likes to write in her spare time.